Added: Melissia Devera - Date: 28.09.2021 22:46 - Views: 39952 - Clicks: 830
My boyfriend and I have had this conversation a grand total of three times over the course of our year, on-again-off-again relationship. The first time, when we were 14, he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, and after a few days of thoughtful teenage consideration, I agreed. The second time, when we were 16 and one week into rekindling the flame after a six-month-long breakhe asked me if we were officially back together, and I said yes — immediately. Despite the fact that it ended happily, my recollection of this trajectory makes me cringe a little, because there was a very clear pattern at stake: he asked, I answered.
Ultimately, though, I made the decision — conscious or not — that I wanted to let him dictate the terms of this turning point. I spoke with him about it recently, wondering aloud if it was weird I was never the one to bring it up. By letting him introduce the conversation, I knew I would avoid falling into that trap. Looking back on it now, it all seems kind of silly. Read the responses I received below, and meet me in the comments to discuss.
I went to the New Museum to get the creative juices flowing, bought her a necklace with her favorite animal on it and practiced my speech. It made me nervous, but knowing what it was made me excited, and luckily we were on the same. I proceed with the conversation knowing that the outcome will likely be 1 thrilling or 2 really disappointing. But because I was still in the closet, each time he mentioned any sort of label or action that was a step beyond what I was comfortable with such as calling me his boyfriend or wanting to go on datesI would ghost him for a few weeks.
Eventually, he got tired of that and moved on. I was ready to define our relationship once I was confident in my feelings. I did not want to ask prematurely only to realize that a relationship was not want I wanted. It would have been unfair, even cruel, to her.
Still, there is a strange traditional pressure that the guy is supposed to ask out the woman.
It takes a tremendous leap of faith to ask, and if you are sure of your feelings I think you should ask the other person regardless of gender. Lastly, I think there is something to be said for enjoying each step of a romantic journey. The fulfillment from discovering intense reciprocated feelings for another person is truly incredible. But it is also exhilarating to actively wonder how the other person feels about you in the early stages. Where could this go?
Where will this go? Curiosity about the future still exists once the relationship has been defined, but the thrill of the unknown morphs into something closer to the comfort of stability. One night we left a bar and — I cannot remember how it started but — we veered into a conversation about what we were doing. It turned into an argument of sorts. Do we want to see other people? Do you feel how I feel when I hang out with you? Are you going to feel this way when we go back home? At some point she crossed the street and sat down on the sidewalk and I frustratingly yelled to her that I loved her.
This is generally not advisable, right? Luckily she did. We are still together five years later, and I love her even more now than I did then. Not if I like the person. So nothing in the relationship changes, only the label. You still like each other the same. Then again, maybe all my guy friends are extra sensitive! I told her I wanted to be in a serious relationship. Men me included are just as neurotic and go in circles on the mental merry-go-round when the status of their relationship is in question.
Our understanding of masculinity needs to be re-examined. Honesty is the real desire. It forces you to confront and verbalize thoughts and feelings. You both get on the sameyou know where the other stands. It saves time and head space. A handful of the women in my life said that their current or former flames simply introduced them as their girlfriend to a group of friends without ever having discussed the subject, and eventually it stuck.
After several amazing dates I kinda sorta fell in love with her. She had just gotten out of a four-year relationship and she, for good reason, was reluctant to enter another so soon. Defining our relationship was incredibly important to me because it validated my feelings towards her and what she told me hers were towards me love. Words have power and definitions carry context and connotations. By defining the relationship I knew what to expect from her and she from me. I often avoid these conversations for fear of rejection or taking the relationship past the point of no return.
Most of my fears are self-inflicted, however, and I do not feel an imbalance of power in other aspects of the relationship. It can be awkward for sure, but awkward is where a lot of learning begins. The best experiences I had with DTR was early on in becoming sexually active. I tried to be honest with girls before it ever got physical. I knew full well I was basically still working on that and there was no way I could have committed myself to anyone at that time. I literally said that to girls. The reaction for the most part seemed positive. Sorry that took so long, Olivia and to whoever has to read this.
I see this as a healthy way to live, as it is a way of removing the stress of labels from modern life. About a few weeks after putting that label on it we broke up because the entire atmosphere of our relationship changed and it was no longer working for me. Honesty is the best policy in these situations. So be honest with your partner! The older I get the less I focus on defining the relationship and the more I care about the overall direction.
Labels are an afterthought. However, as I got older and wanted to settle down more, I actually became more proactive in having the conversation. Once I understood what I was looking for, I became less hesitant and just wanted to put everything out there to know where we both stood.
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